Many midlife women feel disconnected from their intuitions. They don’t feel that they have an intuition, or that they cannot trust their intuition.
When we live our lives from this belief it can lead us to look outside of ourselves for answers. This in turn means that we repeat the same thoughts, damaging self-talk and behaviour patterns again and again. Because we rely on the advice of others who may not understand what is right for us, this cycle of beliefs, thoughts and behaviour leads us to an experience of stuckness.
You may be reading this now because you are feeling lost and disconnected from yourself. Perhaps you have experienced this cycle in your life and would like to know how to change it.
In this article, I will be exploring why you may be feeling this way. I will be sharing ways to reconnect with your intuition and the Archetype that controls our intuition – Your Wise Woman.
Who Is The Wise Woman Archetype?
The Wise Woman is a well-spring of wisdom and knowledge and is drawn to the pursuit of truth. She represents a woman’s intuition and inspiration as well as her ability to be objective, strategize, and reason.
A woman who is in touch with her Wise Woman is introspective, self-sufficient, and self-confident. She feels secure in her identity and does not compare herself with others as she has nothing to prove.
The Wise Woman has integrated her stories and her wisdom as she has met her shadow many times. She knows how to work with her gifts, talents and shadow self rather than being at war with herself. The Wise Woman has learned from her mistakes. She uses her past wounds as medicine to heal herself and help others.
The Wise Woman possesses wisdom in many different areas and expresses her insights in a variety of ways. Because she is deeply connected to her intuition and trusts it and herself she speaks her truth with confidence. An integrated Wise Woman uses her experiences to be a relatable teacher who shares her stories and lessons freely with others. She is brave, driven, and eager to continue her journey for learning about herself and the realms that she inhabits.
The Wise Woman speaks the truth; she knows her power and is fully awake. The Wise Woman’s greatest strengths are her intuition, dedication, strategy, and objectivity. She is capable of great introspection and is driven by a thirst for knowledge and understanding. She desires to collect experiences and ensures that she keeps learning lessons throughout her life.
When we embody our Wise Woman we access our authenticity and our inner bravery.
Tanya Valentin
Do you want to be to find out more about the Wise Woman Archetype? Buy my book.
Representations Of The Wise Woman Archetype In Our Culture
Examples of Wise Women in our culture are Oprah, Brene Brown, and Maya Angelou. The Oracle in The Matrix movies and Moana’s grandmother are examples of this Archetype depicted in our media.
The Greek goddess of wisdom, strategy and war, Athena is most associated with the Wise Woman in western culture. Other goddesses of wisdom from other cultures include the Roman goddess Minerva, the Hindu Goddess Saraswati, and Sophia, who is mentioned in some Jewish and Christian texts as the feminine personification of God. The Egyptian Goddess, Seshat is also associated with wisdom.
Why Do We Disconnect Ourselves From Our Intuition?
We are all born with intuition. Our intuition is the true expression of our soul. Our soul is how God/Universe created us. We are all born connected to this.
Just look at a young child. Children are connected to their truth and are unashamed and unafraid to speak it. They are unapologetically connected to their needs and their emotions. Children honour this truth by asking questions and saying what is on their minds in a way that often embarrasses the adults in their lives.
I invite you to think back to your childhood, how was your ‘truth’ received by the adults in your life?
Was it received and nurtured as a treasure? Or was your truth shamed out of you?
I challenge you, that the real reason that you may feel that you can no longer hear the voice of your intuition is that you have trained yourself not to hear it.
As we grow up we are given a multitude of messages and reasons as to why we should not be ourselves or trust our own inner guidance. We trade our truth for the security and acceptance that comes from pleasing others and fitting in. This is the unconscious agreement that we make about what it means to be a ‘good daughter’ or ‘good son’. It is how we are domesticated out of our instincts and intuition.
This is reinforced with ‘punishment’ for speaking our truth or stepping outside of what our parents consider inappropriate. We are conditioned to distrust our own instincts and the wisdom of our bodies. Over time we gather ‘evidence’ to prove that our intuition cannot be trusted.
Reflect on an occasion when you listened to your intuition and it had a negative outcome:
What was this experience like? What decision did it lead you to make about yourself and following your intuition?
Do you want to be to find out more about the Wise Woman Archetype? Buy my book.
The Shadow Wise Woman Archetypes
The Shadow Archetypes of the Wise Woman is the Hag and the Sceptic.
The Hag
The Hag is often portrayed in fairytales as the old crone, a hermit, discarded out on the outskirts of communities. She is representative of how western society views aging in women. No longer a ‘Maiden’, a woman is cast out and forgotten. She no longer possesses the outward youth and beauty that is highly prized in our culture. The Hag also represents how our culture devalues wisdom and connection to inner guidance. Instead, we live in a world obsessed with seeking outside validation, instant gratification and ‘quick fixes’.
The Hag Is Prone To Loneliness And Senses That She Does Not Belong…
She feels that society does not make space for her. When we are out of balance with our Wise Woman, we may cast ourselves as a victim and isolate ourselves. Another way that the Hag can influence us is when we see our wisdom as superior. We consequently weaponise our knowledge and use it as a way to hurt or shame others. We likely feel bitter, resentful, or envious of the gifts other Wise Women possess. The Hag has little time for fun or frivolity and prioritises deep and meaningful conversations over ‘small talk’.
When The Hag Is Your Primary Archetype
You may find it hard to accept the aging process as a natural part of life. You may feel invisible and ‘cast aside’ and bitter because of this. If you feel like this, you are not alone. Women who identify with the Hag often find themselves stuck in a cycle of profound grief or live alone in their own ‘special world’.
The Hag may find it hard to free herself from being narrow-minded. She may find it challenging to form and maintain relationships with others or ask for help. The Hag does not value herself, her intuition, or her lessons. Therefore, she does not see herself as a Wise Woman with gifts and stories to share with others.
The Sceptic
The Sceptic is a Shadow Wise Woman Archetype who is ‘head’ led. She is smart and has a ferocious thirst for knowledge. The Sceptic consumes books and attends personal and professional development courses. She acquires degrees and academic accolades but she only applies this new knowledge academically. The Sceptic does not take time to integrate what she has learned into wisdom. She does not allow what she knows to guide her spiritually.
The Sceptic postpones taking action from what she has learned as she believes that she is ‘not ready’ and can’t trust herself. The Sceptic lives her life from the fear of not being enough and often feels like an imposter. Her thirst for knowledge is borne out of the belief and fear that she is not prepared enough. She, therefore, strives to learn more so that she can be better prepared before she can proceed. This procrastination can stop her from taking the action.
The Septic Does Not Trust Or Believe Things That She Does Not Yet Have Evidence For
Because the Sceptic lives in her intellect, she often ignores the wisdom of her body. She values knowledge above all and is disconnected from her instincts and intuition. The Sceptic values the opinions and advice of others over her inner guidance. The Sceptic regularly makes ‘head-based’ decisions that are logical while ignoring what feels right for her. This can lead her to feel confused, overwhelmed and out of alignment with what is in integrity for her.
The Sceptic tends to prioritise knowledge and truth over her relationships. She too can weaponise the truth and use it in a way that hurts others to mask her feelings of not-enoughness.
Do you want to be to find out more about the Wise Woman Archetype? Buy my book.
The Sceptic’s Woundings And Beliefs
The Sceptic is borne out of a culture that values the masculine ‘hard skills’ of facts and knowledge acquisition. This culture does not value softer, feminine qualities such as intuition, compassion, empathy and kindness.
Many women learn early on in their lives that if they want to succeed in a ‘man’s world’, they need to conform to the primarily male-dominated way of doing things. Throughout history, women have been disadvantaged in terms of education and the types of careers that they were allowed to pursue. Women have always had to fight to be taken seriously. It was a mere 173 years ago that the first woman received a medical degree, 139 years ago the first woman became an engineer, 62 years ago the first female prime minister.
The Sceptic Believes That To Succeed In Life She Must Know Everything And Understand Everything
The Sceptic believes that in order to succeed in life she must emulate ‘wounded masculine’ qualities and suppress her softer feminine character. She has a strong drive to be accepted and approved of by her peers and to be seen as knowledgeable, capable and serious.
The Sceptic strives for perfection and academic recognition as this is how she achieves significance. She believes that mistakes, emotional vulnerability and failures are a sign of a weak mind. To maintain a strong level of certainty in her life she must have evidence to back up her thinking.
Do you want to be to find out more about the Wise Woman Archetype? Buy my book.
Connections Between The Wild Woman And Wise Woman Archetypes
The Wild Woman and the Wise Woman are ‘special world’ sister Archetypes that exist in relationship with each other during the chrysalis stage of a woman’s spiritual awakening. Both these Archetypes are related to our authentic selves. We need to activate and embody our Wise and Wild selves to achieve sovereignty over our lives. Where the Wild Woman can be fiery, fierce and chaotic, the Wise Woman is grounded, connected and calm. A woman needs both of these powerful energies to help her to navigate this reconnection time with her true self. This is the purpose of a spiritual awakening.
As women, we need both our stillness and our wildness to truly come alive on the inside.
This is especially true for women who identify with the Feral Wild Woman Archetype. The Feral Wild Woman is a Wild Woman who was once wild but then was trapped and is now free. She has endured many years of domestication and been forced to live her life trapped in the roles, responsibilities and other people’s expectations of who they think she should be which have deadened her sense of who she is. However, because she has been conditioned to place her trust in others, and because of her time in captivity, she has lost the connection with her instincts and intuition. Read more about the Wild Woman Archetype HERE.
The ‘Safe Problem’
I believe that we resist reconnection with our inner guidance because our intuition tells the truth. Truth is often painful, hard, unpalatable and extremely uncomfortable. The truth can stir up fear and shame, emotions that we have been taught to avoid at all costs. One of the most uncomfortable truths is that we have been conditioned to value comfort over truth. Reconnection with our intuitive, authentic self starts with the acceptance of this hard truth.
I would like to share a story about a friend, let’s call her Stacy. Her situation is one that many midlife women can relate to. Stacy has recently turned 47, she is miserable in her marriage. Her youngest daughter has just turned 16 and is needing her less. Stacy has been relying on staying busy and heavy drinking in her ‘spare time’ to cope with her life. Recently she went to her GP for help who prescribed antidepressants to help with her low mood and anxiety.
“I know that I need to make changes,” she said to me in a recent conversation, “But I am scared to look at my life too closely because I am scared of what I’ll find. Really my life isn’t so bad. A lot of people have it way worse than I do. I really shouldn’t complain.”
Do you want to be to find out more about the Wise Woman Archetype? Buy my book.
This Is What I Call The ‘Safe Problem’
Stacy believes, as so many women do, that a false sense of safety and security is more important than authenticity. As mentioned before, an agreement that so many adults unknowingly make in the ‘domestication’ we received as children, is that the way we get safety and security, which means love and acceptance, is to sacrifice who we really are. We enter into this agreement because we believe that this is how we will achieve happiness and fulfilment in life.
This is a great lie to live for most of our lives, but…
Our Soul, Our intuition, Our Wise And Wild Woman Knows Better And Keeps Giving Us Nudges…
As we advance into our middle years these nudges don’t go away. Our soul quickens as it starts to recognise how precious life is and how little of it we have left. The nudges become thumps and they just get louder and louder. When we don’t pay attention we suffer. We feel lost, stuck, anxious and depressed. We feel disconnected, don’t know who we are and as if we are living someone else’s life. Many women tell me that they don’t know how to ‘fix’ this.
However, I would argue that our intuition, which has always been there, it is now screaming at us with urgency to wake up before it is too late.
The real reason we don’t hear it is that we choose not to. We intuitively know that there are hard decisions we have to make, conversations we need to have and things we have to change. Our fear tells us that this will make us feel ‘unsafe’. Our intuition tells us that the only way to live as who we were created to be is to get ‘unsafe’ and follow it. It is this internal conflict that causes us to suffer and stay stuck and confused.
If you recognise that this is happening in your life, stop and ask yourself:
What truths am I avoiding? What hard things am I frightened of?
If this stirs up feelings of fear, shame and discomfort, know that you are on the right track and follow it. Recognise that your intuition is trying to tell you something.
Do you want to be to find out more about the Wise Woman Archetype? Buy my book.
How To Reconnect With Your Intuition
If you have read this blog and this is resonating with you and you are ready to challenge the ‘Safe Problem’, then I offer you the following ways to reconnect with this sacred part of yourself:
Believe That You Are A Wise Woman
The first step to connecting to your intuition is to claim your Wise Woman status. You have to believe (or be open to believing) that you are a Wise Woman. You have an inner wisdom, gifts, lessons and heart medicine to share!
Recognise That You Are Connected To Divinity
My belief is that we were all created for a reason, a purpose and that we have a soul. Our soul is a unique expression of the divine (by whatever name you chose to call this divine being). In the native Maori culture of New Zealand, this is embodied in the word Mana Atua – a spark of the divine. I believe that all living things are connected by this life force and it is our job to nurture and protect this divine spark in ourselves, in each other and in all the living things on this planet.
Our expression of intuition comes from our connection to the source of divinity in us. The more we nurture our divine light the clearer we will hear our intuition.
Tanya Valentin
Embrace Solitude And Stillness
There is so much busyness and noise in our lives. Even when we think it is quiet there is still the steady hum of noise from appliances and electronics in the background. We can spend a whole day plugged into our phones, computers or other devices. This leaves no space for thinking or hearing our own thoughts.
When we are trying to avoid ourselves and our truth, this can be an effective coping strategy. However, if your intention is to be able to hear and tune into your intuition then you will need to learn to embrace being alone and being still.
In a practical sense, this means being intentional about setting aside time for yourself where you are alone and unplugged. Engaging in soul-nurturing rituals such as meditation and prayer will allow you to connect inward.
Spend Time In Nature
We were meant to live as part of nature and not apart from it. That is why it is so soothing on our nervous system when we are outdoors.
We need time to BE – hands deep in the dirt, surrounded by trees, swimming in the ocean, sitting under the stars, bathing in the light of the moon or feeling the warmth of the sun on our backs. When we are surrounded by the life force of mother nature we are connected to the flow of life. The spark of the divine in us is in deep communication with the spark of the divine in other living things. This is when our souls and our intuition can recharge and strengthen themselves.
Journal Your Thoughts
Writing down your thoughts allows you to observe your thoughts and to know yourself better. By journalling, you learn to know yourself at a deeper level. Journalling is also a powerful way for you to meet shadow parts of yourself and to do healing shadow work.
Reconnect To Your Creativity
Our creative self is closely linked to our intuition and they are both linked to our authentic self. Our creativity is an outward expression of our soul and our intuition is the voice of our soul.
We were all born with the ability to create. Humans are makers. We create art, literature, gardens, homes, buildings, hand-crafts and nutritious, living sustaining meals for ourselves and our families. We make love and we create children. Our thoughts, beliefs and words create the reality that we live in.
On a physical level, creativity and intuition are both most alive in us when we achieve a ‘flow state’. During the ‘flow state’ our brains produce theta waves – the brain waves of dreaming and meditation. We can therefore conclude that if we want to engage in more intuitive thinking we need to find ways to be more creative in our everyday life.
Challenge yourself to do something differently, write, draw, paint or dance expressively.
Your willingness to play, have fun, and be creative opens up your channel to communicate with the loving energy of the Universe.
Gabrielle Berstein
Reconnect With Your Body
Most adults spend the majority of their lives, living in their heads. Our head is where our fear and self-doubt live. Our intuition does not come from our knowledge or our intellect.
Intuition is a felt experience. We experience it in our bodies. That is why so many people when speaking about their intuition, call it a gut feeling or talk about following their hearts.
When you are disconnected from your body and your emotions it is very difficult to feel your intuition.
You can reconnect with your body through regular exercise, yoga, breathwork, meditation, EFT tapping and other somatic modalities.
Do you want to be to find out more about the Wise Woman Archetype? Buy my book.
Seek Out Like-Hearted Sisters
The process of spiritual awakening can feel hard and lonely. So many women who are navigating a midlife awakening feel isolated and lonely.
Loneliness is a purely perceptual experience and is not defined by how many people you have around you. Loneliness stems from a feeling that you are misunderstood and therefore nobody gets you and what you are going through. You are isolated in your experience of the world.
Those closest to you may even be threatened by the change you are going through spiritually, emotionally and mentally. They may feel triggered by your ‘abandonment’ of them or feel resentful for not being the centre of your focus. You cannot expect the people in your life to emotionally hold you during this transition period.
Please remember, that you may feel alone, but there are millions of other women who are going through this experience alongside you. Reaching out and sharing experiences with other women who are navigating this period of their lives too, can be incredibly helpful.
Work With A Mentor
This awakening phase of your life can feel incredibly painful. However, it is important to know that like all stages of life this too shall pass. It will get better.
Your intuition is calling out to you for a purpose. The purpose is, to show you areas of your life that are not attuned to your highest good. This is so that you can awaken to your truth and live your life aligned to your reason and purpose for being here.
Awakening is not changing who you are, but discarding who you are not.
Deepak Chopra
Even though this is a temporary stage in your life, you may be experiencing fear, confusion and overwhelm. Awakening is a process that can trigger past trauma and unpleasant emotions that need healing and clearing. When we are in this state even a few months of feeling like this can feel like an eternity!
Working With A Mentor Can Provide You With Support To Guide You Through This Process And Make It Shorter And Less Painful
In my work as a Women’s Midlife Mentor, I use my skills as a certified life coach and therapist to help you to reconnect with, love and trust the woman behind the weight of roles, responsibilities and expectations of others and who they think you should be.
I support you to:
- Learn to trust yourself and your intuition again and feel positive about your decisions.
- Design and live a life that reflects who you truly are and is aligned with your values.
- Develop stronger, more loving, authentic, supportive relationships with yourself and others.
- Be empowered with tools that allow you to restore a sense of purpose, well-being and balance to your life.
- Feel at peace with your past and feel hopeful and excited for your future!
- Be the Queen of Your Own Life!
Do you want to be to find out more about the Wise Woman Archetype? Buy my book.
