Can one decision really set you free?

It was a grey and wet Wednesday morning. 

I was sitting in a white room, at one of those white lecture room-type tables. The uncomfortable grey plastic chair I was sitting on felt hard and cold against my back and buttocks.  I could hear the hum of the overhead fluorescent lights. The smell of freshly made coffee in the air hung and turned my stomach.

Stuck And Confused At Midlife? How One Decision Can Set You Free.

My colleagues, other leaders from the early childhood organisation that I worked for, were sitting in the row next to me. We were waiting in anticipation for the presenter of our three-day workshop to arrive.

The tension in the room was intense, so thick that you could have literally cut it with a knife. 

The presenter walked into the room. She was a woman in her 50s. She was of medium build, with long blond hair, piercing, icy blue eyes and a Maori moko tattoo on her chin. 

Our presenter had an air of confidence and authority about her that took up the whole room.  Without even opening up her mouth to speak you could tell that she meant business and suffered no fools.

I heard someone next to me sniffle and I looked over at my workmate who shot me a worried smile as she reached for a tissue from a box placed strategically in front of us.

What was the reason that we felt so worried, tense and terrified?

Surely as teachers, we had been in professional development workshops before? And in rooms very similar to this one and with facilitators that were equally commanding?

But this was different…

  • Each teacher in the room had paid thousands of dollars each from her own pocket to be in this workshop.
  • And we had committed to a three-day live-in personal development course away from our families and loved ones.
  • The reason we were here in this room was to learn about ourselves. This felt Incredibly confronting and terrifying to me.
Stuck And Confused At Midlife? How One Decision Can Set You Free.

Let me give you a snapshot of what was going on in my life at the time.

I had recently turned forty. I was in a marriage that had been on the verge of collapse for years. My husband and I argued all of the time and often in front of our children.

What did we fight about? Sex and money mostly.

Firstly, I no longer wanted to have sex and had absolutely no sexual desire at all. 

Secondly, a few years before this moment, I had taken a couple of years out of teaching to open a cupcake business. A business that had failed and nearly bankrupted us, so the financial pressure was huuuge!

After the failed business, my confidence was at an all-time low. I went back to teaching which was my ‘safe’ backup option. The job that was I doing was ‘fine’ but if I was being truly honest I wasn’t really passionate about it.  I was caught in a situation where my job paid too much leave and because of our financial situation and my shame of being a ‘business failure’, I felt that I had no choice but to stay.

Man, I hardly recognised the woman in the mirror anymore and felt exhausted all of the time – drained of all spark, all energy. Numb, most of the time, just going through the motions of life.

I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and was on a high dosage of antidepressants to just get me through the day.

Internally, I felt lost as if I was living someone else’s life.  And boy was I stuck!

Have you ever felt this way?

I knew that as a mum and wife I had responsibilities. I knew that there were expectations on me on how I should behave and what I should do. But there was this other version of me. A wilder, more authentic me that wanted more and needed to be free.

Would like to have the freedom to be the confident, empowered Queen of your own life? Register for my FREE training HERE

Stuck And Confused At Midlife? How One Decision Can Set You Free.

The Decision That Changed Everything

Imagine my situation. I am feeling intensely uncomfortable. However, no matter my reservation, I am in this room now and I am committed to seeing this through. 

I have paid a lot of money to be here and besides, I am here with my work colleagues so leaving and losing face is not an option. I have this formidable woman in front of me who sees everything. As much as I would like to slink out of the room and run away, there is no escaping what is about to happen over the next three days.

And so I am faced with a decision.

The decision is this…

I can either participate at a surface level nodding, going through the motions and leave after the next three days lighter in my pocket with knowledge that is ‘good to know’ but doesn’t impact me and my life directly…

Or…

I can take this as a divine assignment and fully commit to the transformation the next three days are offering me.

I know that option two is by far the scariest, riskiest option.

But at this stage I’d, had enough. 

I’d had enough of feeling so miserable all the time and of feeling powerless and stuck.  I’d had enough of who I was as a woman and the impact that this was having on my own three young daughters. 

I wanted more from my life, I wanted to be more.

And even though I am petrified of what this will mean – Honestly when they asked us to write down our fears and reservations about being in the room on some brightly coloured post-its at the beginning of the day, I literally wrote “I am scared about who I will become” and “I am scared that I will lose my marriage over this.”

And… So…

Even though I have these really big, deep-rooted fears I decide to commit to the three days. 

What are some of your fears about doing transformation work?

What do you feel the consequence might be if you don’t make this change?

Would like to have the freedom to be the confident, empowered Queen of your own life? Register for my FREE training HERE

Stuck And Confused At Midlife? How One Decision Can Set You Free.

Choosing Faith Over Fear

So I choose to lean into the fear, and the discomfort and to be 100% committed and present over the next three days.

What I didn’t realise when I make this commitment to myself to choose faith over fear is that in this moment I have just made the most important decision of my life.

My decision had the following consequences:

  • After the three days, I went home, pulled my husband aside and had an extremely difficult, brutally honest and freeing conversation about our lives and where we are heading as individuals, as a couple and as a family.
  • I started working on my mindset and making it a priority to take better care of myself.
  • I started to make more conscious empowered choices, aligned with my purpose and values.
  • Within six months we sold our house, I quit the job that I felt so stuck in, and we decided to move to another city.
  • We started therapy to save our marriage and this year we celebrated our 26-year anniversary.
  • We took our children on a dream holiday to the USA for a month.
  • I stopped taking antidepressants.
  • I started writing again after 20 years. A passion and gift that I had long buried.
  • I discovered my life’s mission to help others ease their emotional suffering.
  • I engaged in more coaching, more learning, and more healing.
  • Due to my continued commitment and investment in myself, I experienced phenomenal personal growth and confidence in myself as a consequence.
  • I started my own business aligned with my purpose which made six figures, two consecutive years in a row.
  • I become a thought leader who impacted 100000s lives and was invited to be interviewed by overseas media, to speak on podcasts, write guest blogs and speak at conferences.
  • I also wrote and published two books (a dream I had since I was a very young girl)

These are just a few of the incredible things that came into my life from that one decision I made, to lean into the discomfort and commit to myself.

Are you ready to commit to yourself?

Would like to have the freedom to be the confident, empowered Queen of your own life? Register for my FREE training HERE

Midlife Mother
Photo by Elina Fairytale on Pexels.com

The Impact Of My Decision On Others

Although success feels good, the best part of the whole journey for me has been when a teacher who has attended one of my courses emails me, sometimes months after we have worked together and she tells me that what I taught her has changed her life. This is significant for me not only because I know I have had a positive impact on the life of another (which is pretty damn amazing in itself). But I also know that any work we do with teachers positively impacts the lives of the children they teach. This in turn a powerful ripple effect out into the world.

Another highlight for me was being able to honour my younger self and her dreams by completing and publishing my books. I am now a living example to my daughters about what you can achieve when you allow yourself to follow your heart and your dreams.

It feels so fulfilling to achieve this dream of being an author that I have had for forty years! These are all outcomes I would never have thought possible before I stepped into that white room and those three days!

I invite you to take a moment here to reflect on your life and your dreams. 

What things would you like to make a reality? What dreams do you have that you may have abandoned, buried and believe are no longer possible?  How would it feel to achieve these? What would it mean to you and the people in your life?

Would like to have the freedom to be the confident, empowered Queen of your own life? Register for my FREE training HERE

Here Are The Most Valuable Lessons That I Learned In My Journey:

  • Transformation can be as easy as one decision.  I had been feeling miserable for years.  I had been stuck in confusion and overwhelm and depression for years – going in circles feeling worse and worse. It was so bad that I had to take strong medication to just help me get through the day so I could function.  That one decision contained the key I needed to unlock the answers that were already in me in order to take the action to change my circumstances.
  • Reconnection with yourself can feel scary but it is the only way you will get the life you truly want.  I was terrified of confronting myself, my mistakes, my disappointments, my fear, my shame and what I would find. And the truth did hurt.  But I also found so many hidden treasures in myself that day.  Dreams that I had buried and forgotten.  My passion and talent for writing, my creative self, my spirituality, my belief in myself and my courage to do hard things. When we choose to remain disconnected from ourselves we avoid discomfort. However, we also remain disconnected from our dreams, our desires and our purpose. And when I searched myself, I realised that these things mattered more than my fears ever did.
  • You have to be willing to invest in yourself, take accountability for yourself and decide that you are not willing to put off action any longer to get the life that you want. I had to literally invest the money and time, be coachable and take action. 

Before I made the decision to commit myself, I felt like I only had one option – the reality that I was stuck in – living day in and day out. Now I know that the possibilities and the choices are endless. 

I have the freedom to create the life that feels right for me as the Queen of my own life.

Would like to have the freedom to be the confident, empowered Queen of your own life? Register for my FREE training HERE

Stuck And Confused At Midlife? How One Decision Can Set You Free.

What does being the Queen of your own life mean to you? Let me know in the comments.

Would like to have the freedom to be the confident, empowered Queen of your own life? Register for my FREE training HERE

Tanya

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