Do you feel stuck in a life that is ‘fine’ but doesn’t feel like your life anymore? Does this cause you to feel depressed, overwhelmed and confused? It could be that you are delaying making important changes in your life because you are scared that it may end your marriage or relationship with your partner.

Many midlife women delay making important changes in their lives because they are worried that it will mean the end of the relationship that they have with their significant other. This is especially true for women who are in long-term relationships.

Will My Midlife Spiritual Awakening Cost Me My Marriage?

I totally understand why you may feel this way. As a woman, I have been through an intense period of awakening and personal growth over the last decade. I have also been in a relationship with my husband, Wayne for nearly thirty years. I too have struggled with this fear throughout my awakening journey.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

What Is Really Going On In A Midlife Spiritual Awakening?

Let’s face it, over the years you have made so many concessions and compromises. You have put yourself on hold while you took care of everyone else. In the process, you have repressed your very soul and now it has reached its critical mass of what it is willing to tolerate. Your soul is awakening and telling you that it is time for YOU to come alive again!

Your Midlife Spiritual Awakening is a time where you become more self-reliant and return to yourself. There is a surge of independence that rips through you as you awaken to who you truly are. The embracing of your Wild Woman energy can cause you to become a lot more insular. There is a shift in your relationship energy with yourself that calls to you to seek solitude and go within. You may find that you need to re-evaluate your values and priorities and make hard choices to align with what is truly important to you.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

The Secret War Inside You

During the awakening process, you begin to discover a different future for yourself.

However, there are demands, especially from other people that are used to the ‘old you’. They may feel emotionally triggered by the changes that you are going through and try to convince you that it is better to stay asleep.

Your soul is at odds with your ego. Your ego liked things the way they were before you awakened and may tell you that it would be so much better if you just went back to sleep. Now that you are awake, your soul has tasted freedom and will not let you go back to sleep. This tug of war between your two parts is exhausting!

You may worry that as change your partner may not like who you become or that they no longer fit with your renewed values and priorities. You may worry that your relationship will become a casualty of this transition.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

Will My Midlife Spiritual Awakening Cost Me My Marriage?

This is reflected in the themes of books like Untamed by Glennon Doyle or Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. The messages in these books convey the message that in order to choose yourself you have to leave your marriage. This can feel super scary.

However, what do you do with HER – the ‘secret’ you who awakened in you during your Midlife Spiritual Awakening? You know that she will just keep calling to you, she won’t go away and can’t be silenced.

Who wins the war? I would argue that this war inside of us is one of the fundamental reasons that so many women feel lost, stuck, confused and even depressed during their middle years.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

So Does It Mean The End Of A Marriage?

I can only speak from my experience. My husband, Wayne and I celebrated our twenty-sixth wedding anniversary last week. We have been together as a couple for nearly thirty years. At the age of forty-six, I have spent more of my life with him than without him. There can be a certain amount of enmeshment and security that happens when you have shared your life with another person for a long time.

Looking back at our relationship we have been through so much together…

Wayne and I met when we were eighteen years old and got married when he was twenty-one and I was twenty. (Weren’t we cute! We were just kids really) He was the big love of my life.

Will My Midlife Spiritual Awakening Cost Me My Marriage?

We moved countries together, mourned the loss of our first child together and supported each other’s businesses and dreams, faced poverty and possible bankruptcy together and raised three daughters together.

Over the years we have both grown and changed. There have been good times and heart-breaking times. There have been times when we have felt totally in love. And there have been times when we hated each other and wondered if we were in the right marriage. If fact, there have been times when we have both felt as if our relationship was too far gone and that there was no saving it.

But somehow here we are still together.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

Now, I am not sharing this to make you feel bad if things did not work out this way for you. I believe that each of us has our own unique life journey to walk and your journey may look nothing like mine. I am also not advocating for staying in a relationship where there is an abuse of any kind. However, I do not believe that your Midlife Spiritual Awakening means the end of your marriage.

The Marriage Caveat

My above statement comes with one very important caveat.

Your relationship is the sacred container for the coming together of your souls. As your souls evolve and grow your container will need to transform in order to fulfil its divine purpose.

The relationship may not come to an end as an entity, however, your relationship as you know it may have to die and be reborn in order to stay together.

Just think about it… When you met and got together, however many years ago, you were very different people from who you are now. Those people who met and fell in love no longer exist.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

You have both grown, and changed over the years. There may have been life experiences such as parenthood, further study, career changes, financial hardship, infidelity and mental or physical health that would have shaped who both of you are. These things would have moulded the relationship.

We all come into our relationships with others with a certain level of cultural programming that will need to be identified, explored and unlearnt along the way as you both evolve as human beings.

Spiritually we unfold and awaken to new truths about ourselves, others, how things are connected and where we fit in the divine order of things. Throughout our lives, we go through many life-death-life cycles.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

How Do You Stay In Your Marriage And Still Be True To Yourself?

That is the million-dollar question!

Here is what has worked for me in my twenty-six-year marriage.

You Can Only Change Yourself

One of the most important lessons that I have learned throughout the course of my life and my marriage is that you can only change yourself. This may sound simple but it is so hard to put into practice. Let’s face it, as women we want to control and we want to fix. It is also so much easier and more comfortable to place our focus outside of ourselves than to look within. There are not very many things that I would state as universal truths, but this is what I know – our external world is a reflection of our internal world.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

Will My Midlife Spiritual Awakening Cost Me My Marriage?

When we work on ourselves things outside of us change.

True story – when I first started my own awakening and exploring the spiritual path, I tried to change Wayne. And he would say to me, “Don’t come near me with that woo-woo shit”. A first I felt insulted and angry. However, what I realised as I backed off and worked on myself is that it was not my job to ‘fix’ him or change him in any way. My job was to focus on myself.

So many women who I work with want to change their partners, children, parents or co-workers and I always guide them back to themselves. When we change others shift and change around us almost like magic over time.

I am reminded of the story of the sun and wind.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

The sun and the wind were engaged in a rivalry with each other. One day during their usual banter they observed a man dressed in a thick winter coat walking down the street and they decided to test their powers by seeing who could remove the man’s coat first. The wind was up first. He started blowing harder and harder, trying to blow the coat off of the man. However, the man, feeling the cold of the wind pulled his coat tightly around him and hunkered down.

Eventually, the wind gave up in a huff and allowed the sun to have a turn. When it was the sun’s turn all the sun did was shine brighter. The light from the sun warmed the air and burned away the clouds. The man who had been hanging onto his coat for dear life stopped, looked up at the heavens smiled and took off his coat!

You can influence others just by being yourself and shining your own light as brightly as you can!

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

Watch Your Expectations

So many of us come into a relationship with unhealthy expectations of what a relationship with another person should look like. We have certain agreements and rules about what the other person should do or how they should act that is really unrealistic, damaging and even dysfunctional.

Little girls are taught from a young age that a ‘prince on a white horse’ is going to come along, save them with a kiss and they will live happily ever after. Boys are expected to be the breadwinner and the person responsible for everyone’s security and happiness. If life doesn’t work out this way then we feel that we have ‘failed’ in some way.

It is not the job of our partner or our relationship to make us happy. Instead, our relationships and the people we enter into relationships with, are there to show us places where we need to heal so that we can evolve and grow together.

Will My Midlife Spiritual Awakening Cost Me My Marriage?

Conscious relationships require work and commitment. They ask of us to examine these pre-programmed expectations of our partners and relationships. In order for a relationship to survive and the people in them to thrive, we need to unlearn these rules and expectations. We need to be open to redefining what being in a relationship looks like and it may be nothing like what your culture expects.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

Redefine What Love Means

As with our expectations of each other and relationships. We learn to define love from watching our parents, movies, consuming social media and reading romance novels which can lead to a pretty warped definition of what love means.

For example, a lot of women believe love means losing themselves in a relationship, having no boundaries and abandoning themselves, their needs, desires and dreams to please others. Many women equate love with selflessness. Some women may see love only in a romantic way and if their partner doesn’t buy them flowers or woo them with candlelit dinners they feel disappointed and unloved. Many men view love physically and if their sexual needs are not being met they feel unloved.

Another piece of miscommunication that we grow up to believe is that all you need is love, or love conquers all. We certainly need love, compassion and kindness in our relationships. However, there are many other ingredients that need to come together to create a healthy relationship.

I cannot define love for you, only you and your partner can decide what this looks like for you in your relationship. However, it may be worthwhile sitting down together, examining your stories and redefining what love means to you.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

Redefine what love means

Intimacy Over Enmeshment

Many of us grew up in families that forced us to do everything together. You may have witnessed your mother sacrificing her interests and needs for the sake of her partner or children. Or you may have been punished for not wanting to go on a family outing or to a family event. Our culture often refers to “two people becoming one” when it comes to marriage. You and your partner may have taken this to believe that you have to become one person in order to have a successful marriage.

This is an example of enmeshment.

Enmeshment is a pattern of family dynamics where there’s lack of boundaries. This means lack of privacy, an over-involvement with each other’s relationships, + fear or guilt in not fulfilling your role within the family unit.

The Holistic Phychologist

In an enmeshed relationship, togetherness and love are defined as doing everything together and sacrificing individuality. Your partner’s differences from you may have been what attracted you to them in the first place, but in an enmeshed relationship, we try to ‘fix’ them out of their differences.

In many relationships where enmeshment is the over-arching theme, this breeds resentment between partners because wanting time alone, or choosing to do something that is not a shared interest is met with feelings of guilt and shame. This also fuels a fawning response – where we act out of fear of disapproval or rejection from our partner and so we suppress our needs to please the other person.

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

True intimacy comes from knowing and trusting yourself and then trusting your partner with your true self.

Intimacy brings us closer as a couple and enmeshment drives us apart. When we chose intimacy over enmeshment we recognise that each partner is an individual who is allowed their own thoughts, interests, dreams and desires. We don’t try to force the other person to change to fit into our idea of who they should be. Instead, we create a safe space where we can have hard conversations and be vulnerable with each other about our differences without fear of rejection.

Intimacy over enmeshment

Communication, Communication, Communication!

The only way that any relationship works long-term is by keeping the lines of communication open and judgement to a minimum. Healthy, conscious relationships take a lot of skills like active listening, empathy, self-awareness and positive coping mechanisms. This can take a lot of commitment, hard work and courage but it can also be extremely rewarding. Ultimately we all want to be loved, accepted and feel like we truly belong.

What has your experience with relationships been at midlife? Do you feel that they can survive a woman’s midlife spiritual awakening?

Would you like to discover how to navigate this season of your life and beyond with confidence and ease? Join my free live training HERE.

Tanya

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