I know that as a parent a lot is going on for you right now
- You might still be exploring a diagnosis of Autism or ADHD for your child or getting your head around your child’s diagnosis and what this means for you and your family.
- You might be questioning your own Autism or ADHD or exploring a diagnosis for yourself.
- You may be struggling with how to support your child/teen with their anxiety, depression, panic attacks, melt-downs, shut-downs and suicidal thoughts.
- You may be struggling to help them manage their behaviour so that they don’t hurt themselves, siblings or others.
- You may be navigating how to do the best for your child while navigating ‘the system’ (school, medical and mental health), differing parenting styles with a partner, spouse or co-parent and while trying to shield them from other people’s beliefs and judgments.
- This is all while you struggle to ‘stay positive and strong‘ for your children amongst dealing with your own emotions and grief along with juggle of life.
No one talks about this part of parenting – It can feel hard, overwhelming and relentless!
We all know that when our children are not doing well we are not doing well either.
I know that you and your child may have been dismissed and that their challenges may have been blamed on bad parenting. (Even though we both know that you are doing the very best that you can for your child with very few resources).
You are not alone!
You, Your Child, Your Family Is Wired Differently And So Traditional Family Coaching Is Not Going To Work For You And Your Family.
You Need Specialized Parenting Support That Takes Your Child’s Unique Wiring Into Consideration.
The heartbreaking reality is that our Neurodivergent children and teens (by no fault of their own) are more likely to be affected by mental health challenges, dysregulated behaviours, ‘school can’t’, co-occurring medical conditions, low employment rates, discrimination and bullying. The devasting consequence of this is higher suicide rates and low life expectancy rates.
A large body of research and lived experience suggests that Neurodivergent people (especially Autistics) are more likely to identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, non-binary or transgender which can make parenting feel daunting especially if this is new territory for you.
To add further complexity to your situation, you may have found yourself resonating with your child or teenager’s behaviours and struggles and this has awakened questions in you about your own Neurodivergence. You could be asking yourself, “Could I be Autistic or have ADHD?”
And you wouldn’t be alone. Research suggests that there is a strong genetic link associated with Autism and ADHD.
“A new widespread study involving more than two million children across five different countries has revealed the variation in autism occurrence in the population is mostly due to inherited genetic influences. The study found that inherited genes account for about 80 per cent of an individual’s variance in developing autism.” – Emily Acraman – Altogether Autism
This means that if you are the parent of a child who is Autistic or has ADHD then there is a strong chance that you or your child’s co-parent (or both of you) may be Neurodivergent too, something that many parents are unaware of. Many parents of children who are Autistic or have ADHD (especially Mothers) only find out that they are Neurodivergent after their children are diagnosed. It can be overwhelming to realize that after years of struggling and not knowing why, that your Neurodivergent identity was dismissed or denied. To realize that you have actually been Autistic or have had ADHD all along!
This can bring up a lot of unprocessed trauma as well as really complex emotions such as anger, sadness, shame and even profound grief.
Parenting your child or teens while reparenting yourself with this new information can feel deeply challenging! How your Autism or ADHD was responded to as a child can add complexity and compound the difficulty involved with giving your teenagers the support that they need now.
We all want to do the best for our children but your Neurodivergent children and teenagers can become a mirror to you – their behaviours triggering old unhealed wounds in you which means that you could be unconsciously trying to shut down in your children what was shut down in you as a way of protecting them.
Hi There, My Name Is Tanya.
I am a Neuro-Affirming Family Coach who specializes in working with Neurodivergent Parents of Neurodivergent Children and Teenagers.
As a Neurodivergent person myself and the proud Mama to 3 gorgeous Neurodivergent humans I know only too well the complexities involved with raising children, teens and young adults who are ‘wired differently’ in a world wired for ‘normal’. Read My Story Here.
From personal experience, I know what it is like to raise children and teenagers with Autism and ADHD. I also know all too well what it feels like to discover that you are Neurodivergent later in life (I was in my forties).
Recognizing and reclaiming your Neurodivergent identity can be life changing. However, It can feel confusing and confronting as you begin to see yourself for the first time through the eyes of your authentic Neurodivergent self and notice the ripples of Neurodiversity through-out your family tree.
My observation is that there are few places that parents can turn to for the specialized help and support that they need as late recognized Neurodivergent, while trying to do the best that they can to raise their families.
My trauma-informed approach focuses on listening to you and giving you the empathy, space and care you need to feel safe to understand yourself and your teenager from a Neurodivergent perspective so that you and your family can thrive.
This will equip you to reconnect with and honour your own sovereignty (your right to be seen and accepted as your authentic self and to live your life on your own terms) while teaching your teens to access and advocate for their sovereignty.
Let me work in partnership with you so that you can feel safe and grounded in yourself as a Neurodivergent person and a parent so that you can be a powerful role model of this for your children.
Feedback From A Mother Who Has Worked With Me:
We have struggled with our daughter’s behaviour since she was a toddler, and have tried so many things to help her. Working with Tanya, has helped us to see our child from a different perspective. I am finally starting to understand her and the reasons behind her challenging behaviours. This combined with the practical advice we implemented from our sessions with Tanya has helped us to create more moments of calm and connection in our family. Thank you Tanya.