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The Connected Parent Blog

Why Early Identification of Autistic And ADHD Girls In Early Childhood Matters

It is estimated that Autism and ADHD affect both boys and girls at roughly the same rate. However, the difference is that boys are 4 times more likely to be identified as being Autistic or as having ADHD in early childhood compared to girls.

This is because our cultural perception of Autism and ADHD and what it ‘looks’ like makes it harder to identify girls and AFABs (Assigned Female At Birth) as being neurodivergent.

Many Autistic or ADHD girls and AFABs are left to navigate the education system and peer relationships without the support offered to their male counterparts.

This can result in them not receiving the help and accommodations that they need to succeed in life. Not receiving the necessary support can adversely affect their long-term overall well-being. Read more…

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My Why
The Connected Parent Blog

Could You Be Autistic Or Have ADHD?

Find Out Why So Many Autistics, ADHDers and AuDHDers Are Only Identified Later In Life.

Did you know that if you are the parent or grandparent of a child who is Autistic or has ADHD, there is a high possibility that you could be Autistic or Have ADHD too?

Much of what we currently know about Neurodiversity is still emerging and evolving, however, research suggests that Autism and ADHD have a strong genetic link.

This means that if you are the parent of a child who is Autistic or has ADHD then there is a strong chance that you or your child’s co-parent (or both of you) may be neurodivergent too – something that many parents are unaware of.  Many parents of children who are Autistic or have ADHD (especially Mothers) only find out that they are neurodivergent after their children are identified.

Why does this happen? Read more…

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The Connected Parent Blog

How to Understand Your Neurodivergent and LGBTQ+Teen’s Point Of View

Do you struggle with how to understand your teen or to see things from their point of view? If you do, you are not alone, this is something that many parents find challenging.

We will not always see things through our children’s eyes or agree with our teen’s point of view. Neither will they with ours. This is just human nature.

However, as a parent, it is important to try to figure out how to understand your teen and to see things from their point of view (even if you disagree with them). The reason for this is ‘connection capital’. As discussed in my previous blog, it is important to recognise, interpret and act on your teen’s bids for connection. This will support you to build a trusting relationship with your teen through the depositing of ‘connection capital’ into their ‘connection account’. The more regularly you deposit into your children’s ‘connection account’ the stronger and more resilient your relationship with them will be.  Read more…

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The Connected Parent Blog

Teenage Bids For Connection – How To Respond To Your Teen

Contrary to our beliefs, and the actions of our teenagers that they don’t need us or want us around, our teens are always connection-seeking.

Teens still need connection with us but don’t always know how to tell us.

This is important for all teen-parent relationships. However, even more so for our neurodiverse and LGBTQ+ teens as they may feel ‘othered’ by peers and society.

Our neurodivergent teens are more likely to be affected by conditions such as RSD (rejection-sensitive dysphoria), PDA (pervasive drive for autonomy) and sensory overwhelm which can put their nervous systems into defense mode. Our neurodiverse and LGBTQ+ teens need a safe place to land with us as a vital protection factor.

Here’s how to recognise and respond to their bids for connection. Read more…

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The Connected Parent Blog

No One Is ‘Broken’, No One Needs To Be ‘Fixed’

This principle, which is closely linked to Principle One – Parent The Child You Have, is an important one especially if you are parenting a teen who is Neurodivergent or part of the LGBTQ+ community.

As someone who has tried her best (personally and professionally) to live by the wisdom of Dr Emmi Pikler’s philosophy of respect for all beings – even the youngest babies – this principle can seem like a no-brainer. However, I see the opposite of this principle of Connection-Focused Parenting everywhere, especially with regard to neurodiversity, sexuality and gender identity.

As a neurodivergent person and the mother of neurodiverse and LGBTQ+ teens I often get the feeling that the perception of us is that we are ‘different’, ‘weak’ or ‘defective’.

As mentioned in one of my earlier blogs there is a lot of pressure on neurodivergent people and also those who are part of the LGBTQ+ community to conform to the neurotypical and heteronormative way of doing things. Somedays it can seem like the world is shouting at you with a million reasons why you or your children are ‘broken’ and need to be ‘fixed’. Read more…

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The Connected Parent Blog

Connection-Focused Parenting – Principle Two: Everyone Is ‘Good Inside’

Connection-focused parenting is based on the assumption that we are all fundamentally ‘good inside’. In other words, you are a good person and your teen is a good kid.

This might sound deceptively simple. Of course, our kids, and we as parents are good inside. But stay with me here. It is easy to hold onto our idea of goodness when everything is going right. When we are calm and regulated. When our teens are behaving as we believe that they should.

However, when our teen has just had a meltdown. We had an argument with our partner about how we handled a parenting situation. Or we are exhausted, overwhelmed and ‘over it’ it is very easy to see the worst in ourselves, our partner or our teen. It is very easy to believe that we are ‘bad’ inside. Read how you can change this and use the principle of ‘good inside’ as a powerful parenting tool. Read more…

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The Connected Parent Blog

The One Thing Your Teen Needs Most From You – Radical Acceptance, How To Give It

Parenting The Child You Have AKA Radical Acceptance is the most important and fundamental principle of Connection-Focused Parenting. We cannot form an authentic connection with someone when we are trying to change them to become who we think they should be.

In this blog, the first in this series on the essential principles of Connection-Focused Parenting, I explore what Radical Acceptance is, and why it is so important. I also discuss what makes this principle tricky to implement and how we can go about practising more radical acceptance of ourselves and our teens. Read more…

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The Valentins
The Connected Parent Blog

Shifting The Paradigm Of Neurodiversity

Neurodiversity affects approximately 1 out of 50 people. Neurodiversity is a spectrum and it is a lifetime condition that affects how the neurodiverse person perceives the world, thinks and behaves, communicates and interacts with others. It affects everyone differently and each person will have a unique set of needs depending on where they are on the spectrum.

In this blog I highlight some of the key challenges for neurodiverse people and their families. I explore why we need to advocate for shifting the paradigm of neurodiversity. Read more…

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The Connected Parent Blog

Even ‘Good Parents’ Grieve Their Parenting Journey Sometimes

All parents experience parental grief as part of their parenting journey.

There are two types of parental grief. There is the irreconcilable grief that comes from the death of a child that no parent ever truly recovers from. (If this is you I hold nothing but love and respect in my heart for your loss).

And then there is the more nuanced grief that comes from the loss of our identities, ideas and expectations of what parenthood would be like.

There is nothing in the world like it – this heartbreakingly beautiful experience of life and death – becoming and surrender that we as parents go through every day. Read more…

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Feminine Archetype Blog Series

How To Be The Queen Of Your Own Life

What does it mean to embrace your ‘feminine sovereignty and to be the Queen of your own life?

This blog is the last in my series on Feminine Archetypes.

I will shed light on what feminine sovereignty means for you and uncover who the Queen Archetype and her Shadow Archetypes are. Discover what it means to truly step into your own power as the queen of your own life! Read more…

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How to reconnect with your intuition - The Wise Woman Archetype
Feminine Archetype Blog Series

How To Reconnect With Your Intuition – The Wise Woman Archetype

Many midlife women feel disconnected from their intuition. They don’t feel that they have an intuition, or that they cannot trust their intuition.

When we live our lives from this belief it can lead us to look outside of ourselves for answers. This in turn means that we repeat the same thoughts, damaging self-talk and behaviour patterns again and again. This cycle of beliefs, thoughts, self-talk and behaviour leads us to an experience of stuckness.

You may be reading this now because you are feeling disconnected from yourself. Or you may have experienced this cycle in your life and would like to know how to change it.  Read more…

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The Huntress
Feminine Archetype Blog Series

Do ‘Sensitive’ Women Outgrow Being ‘Sensitive’? -The Huntress Archetype

Were you told as a girl that you were ‘too emotional’, ‘too sensitive’?

Were you told to “put on your big girl panties” or to “toughen up”?

You are not alone.

So many of us received similar messages growing up. And as a grown woman, you may outwardly appear to be less sensitive. However, this just masks your secret reality. Underneath the tough exterior is a little girl that still cares too much, feels too much and regularly feels hurt by the actions and words of others. Read more…

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Podcast

Unlearning Lesson Four – The ‘White Lies’ of Childhood

We all have all told them, innocent-seeming ‘white lies’.  Some of these ‘white lies’ have originated from us.  And some ‘white lies’ have been passed to us by our parents and we unthinkingly pass them to our children. It seems like such a natural process ‘a family tradition’ almost, that it doesn’t even occur to us that we have a choice in the matter.  These ‘lies’ seem so innocent that we really don’t question whether they are right or wrong or what the long term effects of telling them will be. Read more…

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My Great Big Midlife Unlearning Your Emotions
Podcast

Unlearning Lesson One – Your Agreements

In our lives we all make unconscious agreements with ourselves, others and life about who we are and what we are capable of. This process of “agreement-making” starts from when we are very young and these agreements become the foundation from which we create our lives. Our agreements determine the actions or inaction that we will take, the relationships we enter into and what we think we are capable of. Until we make these unconscious agreements conscious, we will continue to repeat the same behaviours over and over again in vain, hoping for a different result. Read more…

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Podcast

Moving From Confusion and Overwhelm to Self-Trust and Confidence

You know that you want more?
More purpose, meaning, more clarity, more enlightenment.  And so you are reading all the books, going to the webinars, workshops, coaching, studying religions… And you are just feeling more confused than ever!
My guest Adele Wang shares her story of moving from spiritual confusion and overwhelm to self-trust, attunement and confidence.  Read more…

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Rachel Anne Ridge
Podcast

Donkey Shaped Miracles with Rachel Anne Ridge

This chance encounter was the start of a beautiful spiritual journey for Rachel Anne Ridge, who decided to take a leap of faith and follow the path that had been laid out before her.  Through the mirror that was her relationship with Flash, Rachel started to develop her relationship with herself through a new perspective.  This lead to a career as an author of several books, a thriving career as an artist and a calling to coach other creative people to lead a life of purpose and joy. Read more…

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Tanya Valentin Midlife Mentor for Moms
Podcast

Questions to Myself

We spend so many years trash-talking ourselves and so this is one way that I can intentionally work on building my trust in the most important relationship I have in my life.  The relationship that I have with myself! Earlier this week when I was out walking I thought, “If I would interview myself, what would I ask myself?” and so the idea for this episode was born.  Read more…

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When She Wakes She Will Move Mountains Podcast by Tanya Valentin
Podcast

Episode 001 – Stories, Shame Monsters and Personal Legends

Everyone was born with a personal legend – their zone of genius, the thing that they were born to do.  And yet, many of us have forgotten what our personal legend is or have so many stories and so much shame wrapped around and interwoven with the pursuit of our personal legend.

In this episode, I explore why you may feel shame about pursuing your personal legend and how this shame may show up for you. Read more…

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